Some things take time to reveal themselves.
Patience and trust is required when you decide to walk a path of healing and awakening.
The rekindling of a once close relationship has recently brought another layer of deep core healing into my life.
Nicole and I were best friends from 1st to 5th grade.
We were "blood sisters", felt secure in ourselves, and had a deep sense of belonging with each other.
We didn't play with dolls, that wasn't our thing.
Instead we laughed and played, were imaginative and loved being out in nature creating experiences.
We loved swimming, reading, dancing, and being with each others families.
We knew who we were.
At 10 years old, everything changed. Nicole's family suddenly moved away.
Throughout my many years of inner work I've always known there was a turning point for me around 5th grade when I began to struggle to fit in, desperately wanting the other girls to like me and once again find my BFF.
I began to believe I was "never going to quite add up" and wasn't rich enough, smart enough, or popular enough.
Up until now, I hadn't made the connection that my 10 year old self had been deeply wounded when Nicole moved away.
This wound, as all of our unprocessed/unhealed wounds do, created a pattern in my life that caused me tremendous pain.
The reliving of this pattern has shown up when I deepen a friendship with someone and then all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, she leaves.
Shuts the door in my face, no chance to process or understand what happened, just gone. Done.
My little 10-year old needed healing.
She needed to understand that it wasn't her fault that her best friend left her, that she didn't want to leave and was just as heartbroken and traumatized as she was.
A part in me growing up knew this and understood why they had to leave, but the inner child part felt abandoned.
The wound of abandonment has been replaying in my life trying to get my attention so it can heal.
To the women who have come into my life and hurt me deeply, I forgive you.
I forgive you for not being able to share what was on your heart or understand mine.
I forgive you for shutting the door in my face and leaving abruptly.
I understand now that you were playing the role I needed you to play. That Life was trying to get my attention so I could heal and reclaim this part, once again remembering my wholeness, and the magic and value I bring.
That I am an incredible friend who blesses and enriches the lives of those I love.
Over the years, this deep pain lit a burning desire within me to help educate and empower women to have conscious, growth based relationships.
To be able to process deeply with one another, to show up real and raw, speak truth, and love each other through the good and bad.
Also knowing that sometimes there are seasons to our relationships and to trust in the flow and alignment of those who come and go in life.
Now, with this new awareness, I get to heal my little girl inside who felt like she didn’t belong and lost the magic she was born knowing.
Nicole and I both struggled throughout the rest of our school days.
We experienced similar trauma as teenagers, got into the wrong crowds trying to fit in, abused drugs and alcohol and truly lost our ways.
Growing up, there were many happy, fun, love filled moments and I’ve also had, and do have, many beautiful and sacred friendships.
But it's time...
Time to heal this part of me and stop recreating the pattern that has caused so much pain.
One of the most beautiful aspects of inner work is being able to use your pain as fuel for your own growth and transform it into the magic you bring.
I’m not afraid to process deeply with people, to hear things that are difficult to hear, and hold space when someone else is struggling.
I am highly skilled at helping people do the same in their own lives and relationships.
None of this would have been possible had it not been for that little 10-year old girl who all of sudden felt lost and forgot who she was.
◆Do you recognize the patterns that play out in your life?
◆Are you aware of where they come from?
Love & Light ❤️